Divorce From a Man's Perspective with Marriage and Family Therapist Brian Burns
In today’s episode, we are joined by Brian Burns, a certified mediator and parenting coach, to discuss divorce from a father's perspective. During this conversation, we discuss how men play a more active role in parenting post-divorce and the feelings and shifts experienced. Brian also discusses the steps fathers can take to build momentum to be a more hands-on parent. Tune in to today’s episode to gain insight from a new perspective so you can do divorce differently.
In this episode:
[2:19] How dads get more involved with parenting post-divorce. [3:40] Advice for men who are feeling overwhelmed with single parenting. [6:10] Is there a difference between men and women when feeling your feelings? [9:45] Men are facing judgment and validation throughout a divorce. [15:04] Actions fathers can take to start moving forward with momentum to be a more hands-on parent.
Key Takeaways:
Modern parents too often look to their children for validation. This is more exaggerated in a divorce where parents try to do better than the other parent. Men’s feelings are more wired towards stress and providing for a family. After divorce, they feel a lot of pressure to figure out their place. They may also experience fear around failing as a father after failing as a husband. Everyday living is essential when kids are with their dad. Many times dads try to be the “Disney Dad” or make all their time extra fun. Kids will thrive more on having a father figure who wants to get to know them and find out who they are.
Quotes:
“Men need to give themselves permission to feel the feelings, to grieve the losses, regardless of who chose the divorce. Frankly, statistically, if you are a man, you're more likely to be divorced than if you are a woman. Women are statistically asking for divorce more often than men.” Brian Burns
“Women are encouraged to talk about their feelings as little girls, and men are not; men are encouraged to achieve, to be tough, to be strong. To be strong is to be virtuous. To not have weakness is to have integrity.” Brian Burns
“Lean into the opportunity to be a more hands-on parent; you are worthy.” Brian Burns
Guest Bio:
I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved.
I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.
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