Exploring the Complexities of Divorce Through a Child's Eyes: Insights from the Documentary Split and Split Up
Documentary filmmaker, Ellen Bruno, joins us for today’s episode. Ellen focuses on ways that divorce impacts children and has produced two films, Split and SplitUp. Both films follow 12 children who were raised through a divorce and what the long-term effects were on their lives. She talks with us about what she wishes parents knew and how best to support children through difficult times. Ellen touches on the impacts of generational divorce as well. Tune in today to learn how to change the story so that your kids can have loving, healthy relationships in the future.
In this episode:
[02:29] What drove Ellen to create Split? [05:52] Ellen shares the key things she learned while filming Split. [11:17] What Ellen believes kids want to hear differently through their divorce/growing up after divorce. [13:40] What happens to children in the long term when there are continuous conflicts between parents? [19:51] How does being a child of divorce affect children’s outlook on love for themselves? [21:05] What information did Ellen find about generational divorce?
Key Takeaways:
Families with parents who were more cooperative and had less conflict, fared better long-term. Families with more conflict post-divorce, those children are still struggling long-term. Have the courage to listen to your children's concerns, hear their questions, and answer appropriately for their age with the needed information. Help them make sense of the situation. Confirm to them that the decision isn’t because of them. Disengage from the toxic environment for both the parents and children. Put the anger and resentment aside and show up for the kids as much as possible. Choose joy and choose love as often as possible.
Quotes:
“Sometimes we think, oh divorce is something that happens within a discrete period of time, and then everyone moves on. Well actually, as we all know, divorce becomes part of the DNA of our family structure, part of the experience of our children, and that will be true when they are 40 as it is when they are 4.” - Ellen Bruno
“I just want parents to have the courage and understand that opening up these conversations and allowing your children to ask questions is going to be one of the best things you can do for your kids. And it doesn't mean you have to answer every question, but everybody that goes through a difficult situation, whether its political refugees, prisoners, young sex workers, or kids from divorce, everybody needs to make sense of their experience in order to move forward. They need to make sense of their experience in order to move forward.” - Ellen Bruno
Guest Bio:
Ellen Bruno is an award-winning documentary filmmaker based in San Francisco. With a background in international relief work, Ellen’s films have focused on issues at the forefront of human rights. She began her relief efforts in remote Mayan villages in Tabasco, Mexico. She has worked in refugee camps on the Thai-Cambodian border with the International Rescue Committee, in Vietnamese boat camps with The Refugee Section of the American Embassy in Thailand, and as director of the Cambodian Women's Project for the American Friends Service Committee.
Ellen completed a master's degree in documentary film at Stanford University. She is a recipient of Guggenheim and Rockefeller Fellowships, a Goldie Award for Outstanding Artist, an Alpert Award for the Arts, an Anonymous Was A Woman Award for the Arts, a Shenkin Fellowship from Yale University School of Art, and was an Artist-in-Residence at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts.
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