Breaking the Cycle: Navigating Toxic Communication in Co-Parenting After Divorce
On this week's episode of Doing Divorce Different, Mikki Gardner joins the podcast to talk about breaking the cycle and navigating toxic communication in co-parenting relationships. Mikki provides some insightful tips around working through toxic co-parenting, how to stay in control of your own emotions, and reduce the triggers that may be experienced from an ex spouse. She talks about how to navigate different parenting styles and how to stay true to your values and vision of parenting. Tune in today for this incredible episode packed full of useful nuggets.
In this episode:
[02:00] Mikki shares her story of how she got into the work she is doing. [08:08] What does Mikki's family structure look like now? [09:48] How does Mikki recommend people work through toxic co-parenting? [13:48] What does Mikki do with conscious co-parenting? [16:25] How can people respond rather than react? [22:20] How can you navigate different parenting styles?
Key Takeaways:
Parenting is not about the child. Parenting is about the parent, co-parenting is no different. Don’t lose sight of what's important, which is the child. Keep your kid centered, don’t pull them back and forth between the parents. When you are feeling reactive or triggered, pause and step back and realize that you do not have to respond right away. Determine what it is you are seeking and what you want to do before you respond. You get to be in charge of your home, what you believe, and how you parent, but you also have to allow the other co-parent to do the same in their household.
Quotes:
“And after a lot of trying and a lot of things, I came to the realization that I was the example to my son of what it looked like to be a woman, to be a wife, to be a mom, to be a sister, all the things. But, was I being an example of a woman and a wife and a mom that I would want him to use as his standard? And the answer overwhelmingly was no. And so in that moment I understood that I had to go a different direction, and I had no idea what that looked like.” - Mikki Gardner
“You always have a choice, but as long as you are reacting to your triggers, you are in a state of survival. You're not in a state of making calm, rational decisions. So first and foremost, we have to learn when we're triggered, how to calm ourselves down so that we can make good choices.” - Mikki Gardner
“The first thing I do with each of my clients is create a vision for their life. This is so important because we can't continue to live in a reactionary state just doing what we don't want. We have to create a destination, a lighthouse of sorts that tells us where we want to go because the storm is gonna come. The night is gonna be dark. We're not gonna be able to see our way, so we need to have that sort of lighthouse vision of where we're going.” Mikki Gardner
Guest Bio:
Mikki Gardner is a certified life coach through the Life Coach School and trained to help women sort out the overwhelm, confusion, fear, and self-doubt they feel after divorce.
She is certified in the Conscious Parenting Method as well as Applied Positive Psychology where she is trained to help moms move past their limiting beliefs, unravel the patterns of their past and become strong, effective, loving parents.
Resources:
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