Rebuilding Family: How to Maintain Strong Bonds After Divorce
Today's guest, Suzanne Vickberg, has a very unique story when it comes to how her and her ex handled their divorce. It’s been thirteen years of them continuing to live together, as one big family with her, her ex, his new wife, and their children. She talks about the pros and cons of her family living this way, how it has benefited their children, the challenges with dating and what their life looks like now. Suzanne talks about how they created a vision for life after divorce, and the feedback they received from others. Tune in to learn how to do divorce differently.
In this episode:
[2:56] How Suzanne did divorce differently. [5:02] What was Suzanne’s ex’s reaction to the thought of being divorced but still living together? [6:57] Some pros and cons of living together while being divorced. [9:46] Were either Suzanne or her ex children of divorce? [11:38] How did Suzanne and her ex communicate that they were getting divorced and how they would continue to live? [13:20] What will the household look like once both kids go off to college? [14:26] Do Suzanne and her ex still own the house together? [15:57] What was people’s feedback about their living situation?
[16:45] What made Suzanne want to write her books? [20:57] How can listeners think outside the box and look at other options? How can they get their spouse on board?
Key Takeaways:
There aren’t only two options, there are a variety of ways to deal with situations and circumstances. Look at all the options and ideas that you can come up with and decide if that's the best option for your family. Sit down and do a vision of what the best case divorce could look like. Even if it’s not what you wanted, what could the best case scenario look like? Once you're clear about where you’re going, even if you don’t ultimately land there, you can act intentionally and get closer than if you didn’t have a vision. Instead of taking everyone else’s advice or doing what society says is the right way to do it, talk with your ex and decide how you want to do it. It doesn’t have to look like continuing to live together, but it could look like spending the holidays together, or throwing birthday parties together, or keeping both your names on the house even though only one of you lives there. The options are endless so choose what's best for you and your family.
Quotes: “Take what other people tell you with a grain of salt, especially when it's something that is so significantly life-changing for you. Really get quiet and listen to what your voice is telling you and stick with that, even when other people tell you, maybe that's not a great idea. If you trust yourself, then you are more likely to come up with something that is going to be right for your life, as opposed to everybody else's life.” - Suzanne Vickberg
“I don't think I met a single person in the first two years at least, who ever said, hey, you’re really onto something. Everybody said, nope, that's a terrible idea. Whether they were friends, family, strangers, professionals. I just kind of said, well, I think it's a good idea.” - Suzanne Vickberg
Guest Bio:
Dr. Suz is a social-personality psychologist and a leading practitioner of Deloitte’s Business Chemistry, which she uses to guide clients as they explore how their work is shaped by the mix of individuals who make up a team. Along with her Deloitte Greenhouse colleague Kim Christfort, Suzanne co-authored the book Business Chemistry: Practical Magic for Crafting Powerful Work Relationships as well as a Harvard Business Review cover feature on the same topic.
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