Heartbroken and Divorced? Let's Start Healing with the Divorced Girl Smiling
On today’s episode, I have the joy of speaking with Divorced Girl Smiling, Jackie Pilossoph. Jackie is such a light in this world, and a leader in helping connect those going through a divorce with the best resources out there. We talk about what it feels like to end any type of relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romantic partnership, the pain is similar and can turn your world upside down. Jackie talks about leaning in to your feelings and emotions in order to come out on the other side stronger. Tune in to hear the positivity that Jackie radiates and how to understand why the heartbreak hurts so much in the first place.
In this episode:
[2:10] Jackie shares what led her down the path to be the Divorced Girl Smiling. [5:10] What made Jackie write her article about heartbreak? [6:47] Understanding the why around heartbreak is the first step to working through it. [11:28] When to let go of the hope that things will change. [14:16] What does Jackie mean when she says she is tired of being hurt? [16:35] Breaking up with a friend vs. a lover - they are one in the same. [17:34] Jackie talks about how she was forcing things to be right even though they weren’t right for her. [19:25] What happens when you really love someone, but there is just no way to fix the relationship? [22:25] Understanding anxiety and how to manage it.
Key Takeaways:
The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. You can only control yourself, you can make all the changes you want in yourself, but you can’t make your spouse change. Acknowledging all of your feelings and emotions are the healthiest way to get through the pain. People who don’t acknowledge all the feelings, they get angry and bitter. If you have the vulnerability and the guts to say what you are actually experiencing then it will help you in healing quicker. If you make little changes, one a week, and focus on that one change for the full week. If you have little changes, you’ll stick to them and then you can build on that new habit.
Quotes:
“Next time you feel that way, you should say to yourself, Don’t I deserve better? Do I really deserve to be treated this way?” - Jackie Pilossoph
“You finally come to this point where you realize that if it's not right it's just never gonna work no matter how hard you try. And the other thing I tell people is that both people have to really want it to work. And if they don't, you don't have any chance. If one wants it to work that's not enough. Commitment is the biggest force in keeping couples together. I believe that love is a choice.” - Jackie Pilossoph
“We fall in love and we ignore the bad behavior and the red flags because we, we don't wanna see that it's too painful. We're not ready to break up. We're still in love with a lot of other aspects of the person, so nobody's all good or all bad. And so we don't wanna see those signs.” - Jackie Pilossoph
Guest Bio:
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-in-chief of DIVORCED GIRL SMILING, a media company comprised of a website, podcast, mobile app and vetted, trusted professional resources. DGS has a mission to empower, connect and inspire men and women before, during and after divorce. Pilossoph, who holds a Masters degree in Broadcast Journalism, is a former television news reporter and features reporter and writer for the Chicago Tribune. Her syndicated weekly column, LOVE ESSENTIALLY, was published in The Pioneer Press, The Chicago Tribune, and all Tribune Publishing editions for 6 1/2 years. Pilossoph was also a Huffington Post divorce blogger for five years.
Resources:
Lesa Koski
