Navigating the Storm: High Conflict Parenting Tools for Managing Triggers
Today is part 1 of a 2 part episode with Karen McMahon, the founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. During this episode we discuss managing triggers while dealing with a high conflict co-parenting relationship. Karen discusses how to set boundaries and alleviate obstacles that may get in the way. She explains emotional energy and how to uplevel the energy you are projecting in order to benefit yourself but also hopefully raise the energy of your co-parent. Tune in for great tips on boundary setting and don’t miss next week’s episode about becoming a boundary bad ass!
In this episode:
[4:01] What was Karen’s experience with her divorce? [6:07] What did Lesa learn to do when she is feeling triggered? [9:05] What was the boundary challenge Karen did recently? [11:05] Lesa and Karen share tools for dealing with high-conflict co-parenting. [15:50] Karen talks about the chapters and waves that we go through. [17:17] Karen discusses the circumstances that can arise with co-parenting and how to handle them. [18:00] How do you alleviate the obstacles? [25:02] How did Karen deal with her triggers from her ex during their divorce?
Key Takeaways:
Your triggers are not from your marriage, they are from something that happened in your childhood. Look at the trigger poking as an opportunity of shining the light on the wounds that you still need to heal. If your boundary is not being honored, you honor it. Go about your business, and follow your boundary whether the person you are trying to apply it to adheres to it or not. There are 7 different levels of emotional energy. When we dive right into the fight, we’re coming from a low level, high conflict energy. Instead think about how you can be kind and compassionate to yourself, ask yourself if you have to respond, and raise your energy to almost forgiveness and compassion.
Quotes:
“Isn’t it interesting that taking care of yourself and your mind is actually affecting that other high-conflict person?” - Lesa Koski
“That trigger predates your marriage. Our triggers never begin at our marriage, they begin in our childhood, so there’s work to be done.” - Karen McMahon
Guest Bio:
Karen founded Journey Beyond Divorce in 2010, after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation.
During her three and a half year tumultuous divorce, Karen’s life began to improve exponentially. With much hard work, she embraced her new life, created healthy friendships, found her true voice, and learned to set suitable boundaries and let go of what she could not control.
Learning to live a healthy enlivened life is something that we can share with our children, creating thriving relationships with them while helping them grow emotionally strong and healthy.
Karen is the mother of two emerging adults, a graduate of the world’s leading coaching institute, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and a Certified Member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).
Karen’s other accomplishments include work as a NYS Lobbyist, Health Advocate, Community Organizer, and Chairperson of a NYS non-profit organization, Director of Sales and Marketing, and successful small business owner.
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