The Love Doctor's Guide to Dating and Grey Divorce
In today’s episode I am joined by my dear friend, Dr. Duana Welch. Dt. Duana has been on the show a couple times, and today we are really focusing on dating advice after a gray divorce. We talk about why gray divorces are happening more often and what the reasons may be behind that. Dr. Duana educates us on what individualism is and how it impacts relationships. She then shares some advice on how to start dating after divorce, setting up your dating profile, and what things to look for in a future love in hopes that it’ll last forever! Tune in to hear some great tips and learn more about love and lasting relationships.
In this episode:
- [3:17] Dr. Duana Welch shares her story of finding love again after divorce.
- [5:37] Why are gray divorces happening more often?
- [10:41] Why has individualism started to develop in long term marriages?
- [11:40] What can someone do to prepare themselves for finding love later in life?
- [13:49] Are we less happy because of individualism?
- [18:35] What are the steps for a woman to find love?
- [29:31] A final piece of advice from the love doctor.
Key Takeaways:
- Every year that a man is single, whether he's single because his wife died or because he never got married, or because he's divorced, or any combination of these, as soon as he's single, his odds of death from all known causes increases by a factor of six. This is not as high for women because they tend to have more social support.
- Science shows that when people are looking at dating apps, they’ll likely swipe right on people who are 10% better looking than they are. The likelihood of you choosing who to date only based on looks won’t lead you to matching with your perfect partner. Learning more about their character is more important than their looks.
- If you can find and be someone kind and respectful, your love life is going to go great. And if you can't, it will not.
Quotes:
“In an individualist society, people tend to have a longer strategy of adulthood. So what that means is they get married later and everything about their life happens a little bit later and there's just not the taboo about divorce that there used to be. So, I think those are a lot of the reasons why this phenomenon is happening, but I also know from research that we never stop needing love.” - Dr. Duana Welch
"If you don't ever have to sign on for problems, then you probably aren't going to sign on for relationships because relationships bring joy, but they also bring challenges. What we need is not necessarily collectivist or individualist. We need interdependence. We need to find someone where we help each other feel safe enough where we can mutually depend on each other and we can mutually put the other person's needs co-equal with ours. In the absence of that, you're going to find a lot of unhappiness and even higher divorce rates.” - Dr. Duana Welch
“Men routinely read women as interested in them who make full eye contact while smiling at them with a real eye crinkling smile.” - Dr. Duana Welch
Guest Bio:
Dr. Duana Welch (pronounced DWAY-nah) is known for dating advice, dating coaching, online dating coaching, relationship advice, relationship coaching, and marriage coaching that relies on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the love of their lives. A former professor in Florida, California, and Texas across 20 years, she has contributed to NPR, PBS, Psychology Today, and numerous other outlets and podcasts. Her first book, Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, is now out globally in five languages; its revised and updated edition released in 2022. Love Factually for Single Parents is the second book in the series,...
