Decoding Divorce Dynamics: Navigating the Role of a Divorce Therapist vs. Divorce Coach

Are you concerned about how your divorce will impact your children? Or confused about whether you need to hire a divorce coach, mediator, or an attorney? This week I interviewed divorce coach Jill Barnett Kaufman who answers all of these questions! She discusses her own experience going through divorce after years of counseling trying to save her marriage. Jill talks about the impact it had on her children and what their feedback is now that they are adults. You’ll hear a breakdown of the difference between a therapist and a coach and how each can help you with different areas of life. Jill ends the episode talking about how parents can protect their children while going through divorce. Tune in for some great insight from Divorce Coach Jill. 

In this episode:

• [2:26] Jill shares her story of how she came to be a divorce coach. 
• [5:40] What did Jill mean by saying that she was hurting her kids by getting divorced?
• [8:03] What was Jill’s experience working with an attorney and disagreeing with the decisions her attorney recommended?
• [11:45] What is the difference between a therapist and a coach?
• [13:41] Lesa shares a story about her experience working with a coach.
• [15:58] What are things that people can do to protect their kids through a divorce?
• [20:33] Jill provides advice about what would have helped her while going through her divorce. 

Key Takeaways: 

• [8:36] There are a lot of good attorneys out there, but there are also a lot of attorneys who don't understand the emotional toll that it takes to fight for things, even if you're entitled to them. You have to weigh all of that when you go through a divorce.
• [11:56] The difference between a therapist and a coach is that a therapist will look at your past, what trauma you have experienced, what has happened in your childhood to work through those issues. A coach is someone who looks into the current and the future to help create a plan of action for moving forward. They hold you accountable to your goals, and help you work on practical things. 
• [18:30] One benefit from children going through a divorce is that they learn to be more independent, flexible, and have individual relationships with each parent. It can create a great opportunity to build an amazing bond. 

Quotes: 

“And that is kind of the beauty when I work with clients. I call it designing your own divorce. You get to make the calls. I'm not going to give you any advice, but I want you to understand the law. And then it's up to the two of you to come to a conclusion about what seems fair.” - Lesa Koski

“I always tell people this: divorce is 10 percent legal, 10 percent financial and 80 percent emotional.” - Jill Barnett Kaufman

“We don't step back and really take a look at what we want in our life for the long term, and we let time go by and things don't get done. Divorce is an opportunity to do something that you've never done to change your life in a positive way and take advantage of that opportunity and take advantage of that time and think about what made you happy when you were a kid or when you were a young adult that you weren't able to do for the past years, because you were too busy and get those things into your lives because we have more time than we realize and we have to use that time wisely because it's a gift, and so taking advantage of this opportunity when we can focus on the negatives and really get frustrated, or we can look at it as, this is an opportunity to change our lives and really make it what we want.” - Jill Barnett Kaufman

Guest Bio: 

Jill Barnett Kaufman, LCSW, is a Licensed Therapist, Divorce Coach, Author & Co-parenting Expert. After going through her own difficult divorce, she made it her...