Suffer Less Through Your Minnesota Divorce
Mar 22, 2023
Do you find yourself deep in a struggle or challenging circumstance and ask, “why me?” It’s common to feel stuck in difficult situations, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. What if I told you that there is a gift or opportunity that comes along with almost every struggle? I’m going to walk through some of my challenges below and the gifts that I uncovered through helping couples with divorce mediation in MN.
If you’ve ever put your hand on a hot stove, you know that you immediately pull your hand back. The pain from touching the stove was helpful because you now know not to do that again. That’s the gift of the pain. So when you are going through a challenging time, the first step is to name the unwanted emotion you are feeling. Grab my Feelings Wheel to help you uncover what it is you are feeling. I want you to tune in to how it feels in your body. Is it hot? Is it cold? What color is it?
Next, you can take 5 to 10-minute intervals throughout your day and become aware. Here are a couple of ways to do this. Close your eyes, and put two finger tips together and rub them. Feel the ridges of your fingers. If your mind wanders, it’s ok; that’s what minds do; just come back to it. Focus on what the ridges of your fingers feel like. Take the fingertips of one hand and slowly rub them down the other hand. Another option is to put your hand on your stomach and feel it going up and down as you breathe. This calms your prodigy brain and allows you to step back and look at the whole situation.
An example from my personal life was when I was pregnant with my first child, Abigail; I got really sick and was put on bed rest with preeclampsia. I was induced early, and being so scared, I felt really sorry for myself. Luckily Abigail was just fine, and the doctors assured me that this was just a one-time occurrence and I was OK to have another child.
I got pregnant with my second child, Jack, pretty quickly, and it turns out it wasn’t just a one-time occurrence. I ended up getting preeclampsia again and was put on bed rest yet again. The disease was much worse this time. I just kept asking, “God, why me?” Jack was delivered a month early and guess what? It turned out Jack was unable to thrive because the cord was wrapped around his neck. He wasn’t struggling because of the disease, it was because the cord was wrapped around him, and every time he moved, it tightened on his throat. My gift was that had I not had preeclampsia before, they wouldn’t have been monitoring me so closely and wouldn’t have noticed that he wasn’t thriving. He would not have survived the remainder of my pregnancy. He is now a beautiful young man who just had a beautiful baby girl!
The gift following my complicated pregnancies was that we decided getting pregnant a 3rd time was not the right option for me. Eight years after we had Jack, we were blessed with adopting Sophia. If pre-eclampsia weren’t an issue for me, I probably would have continued having babies and never would have looked into adoption. Sophia has been an incredible addition to our family; I can’t imagine our life without her. I mean she brought love, light, music and horses back into my life!
When Abigail decided to start a family, she ended up with preclampsia but it was sneaky. Her blood pressure didn't go up, but because the doctors knew I had preeclampsia during my pregnancies, they were watching out for it. My grandson, Oliver, had to be delivered via C-Section and ended up in the NICU for over a month. He is a growing, thriving, fantastic boy now! The gift of this was that the doctors knew to keep an eye out due to Abigail's genetics. Another gift, Abigail is in her residency in the NICU helping other parents going through difficult times. She can relate to these parents because she was in their shoes.
By sharing these stories, I hope you can go back and look through your life and see where things have turned out to be a gift. And I hope that when I walk people through Divorce and CoParenting a better way it becomes a gift. If you need divorce or co-parenting support contact me at lesakoski.com
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